Jenny’s Perspective: Three Elements of my Recovery Journey
These are not my goals for you, nor the framework we will necessarily use during our sessions. These are three elements of my own recovery that have been an inspiration to me as I followed my passion – to use my experience to benefit others – to pass on the gifts of support that I was given.
Gain Clarity on the Past
When you think about your relationship with your partner, do you have an uneasy sense that you missed… something? You clearly remember a time when you and your partner were madly in love. You were perfect together. You always seemed to be in sync with one another, and it came so naturally for you, as a couple.
But somewhere in the middle, something happened and it was never the same. Sometimes your partner was loving and patient, but cold and punishing at others – with no rhyme or reason. And no matter how long and hard you examine the past for a “reason”, you can’t shake the confusion and fog, and feel like somehow it was your fault.
Narcissistic Abuse is a particularly insidious form of emotional abuse which creates extreme cognitive dissonance in the target of the abuser. The confusion you are experiencing is a symptom of the trauma you have survived. I know – I experienced the same thing in my first marriage. Not all of my clients come to coaching still mired in that fog. But if you are, gaining clarity will be one of the first things we work on.
Reclaim Your Voice
Chances are that when you look in the mirror, you barely recognize that person as You. The psychological battering of Narcissistic Abuse can turn a vibrant, happy woman into a doubt-filled and unsteady being. For so long, you’ve had your words, choices, beliefs and even your thoughts dictated to you. Your partner controlled…well, everything.
I once had a co-worker give me the nickname “Sunshine.” She said that I never seemed to have a “cloudy day.” She couldn’t guess the secret I was keeping. The one I didn’t dare voice. I knew what would happen at home if I did – because somehow he would know. My friend sat next to me at work for years, but she knew only the “Jenny” that my husband had groomed me to show the world. The Authentic Jenny was silent. And had been for so long she had all but disappeared.
During coaching sessions, I’ll support you as you reacquaint yourself with the Authentic You, and establish new beliefs and behaviors in your life today that honor your values and leverage your strengths. We will celebrate your successes as you reclaim your own voice and the freedom to express yourself genuinely!
Choose Your Own Path Ahead
Believe it or not – today I am grateful for those horrible, dark decades with my first husband and his soul-crushing narcissistic abuse. Without a doubt, it was wrong. It should not have happened. I didn’t “deserve” a moment of it. The pain and despair I experienced were devastating. I fervently wished I would die in my sleep.
But I would not go back and change a single day. It brought me to the life I am living now, and it helped me become the Jenny of today. Yes, I would choose that same path through Hell-on-Earth to ensure I arrived here. I fought hard for my recovery – and my work paid off when this gratitude blossomed inside me. I cherish it as a Divine Gift.
As a fellow Narcissistic Abuse Survivor and Trauma Recovery Coach, my deepest desire and prayer for you is this: Whatever path ahead you choose today, it someday provides so much of what you hold dear that you, too, experience a paradigm shift in your perspective of the trauma you survived. The shape and form of that shift will be unique to you.
I know – it seems impossible, sitting where you are right now. It’s ok. Until that day comes, I offer you the gift of my belief that it will.
Let’s work together to reframe your abuse trauma so you can take pride in the scars on your heart and know you’re a capital-S Survivor.